I Really Don't Know

(Image credit: Muscogee Moms)

I started to write this post today because I had not written in awhile.  I had all these different ideas about what I wanted to or should write about and then it hit me; I really don't know what I want to write about.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  I believe that sometimes it is a good thing because it allows a person to just be free and write down whatever words come to their mind or what ever thoughts are in their heart.  This is a time when you can get some of the most true and honest writing ever.  Why?  The reason is you are not held to a specific topic or being constrained by what you think you have to do.  You are just letting it all flow through your fingertips, to the keyboard, and onto a screen where it will eventually be read by someone.  Hopefully someone other than you.  But remember even if no one other than you reads your post you should still be happy with it because it came from you.  It is a part of you and no one can take that away.  There will be times when you may write something and then ask yourself why you wrote it; well that is all a part of life.  We are not perfect and we all make mistakes.  The only perfect being does not physically reside on this Earth, but his spirit is all around us.  I am grateful for these moments he gives me of uncertainty because it is in these moments that I have some of my greatest life revelations.

It is in moments like this that I have realized at times I have been a total idiot and at times in my life I have even been a total b****.  Do I intend on this, well of course not.  But does it happen, well of course it does.  And, I am woman enough to admit that there have been times in my life when I have done it on purpose.  For example, if someone is really annoying me or I really dislike them I have found myself looking for a reason to approach them and be the biggest pain that I can be.  Well that is not very womanly of me, but it has happened.  When it does happen I have to catch myself before-hand if possible.  If I do not catch myself before-hand then I have to do some self-reflection to see why I was brought to that point in the first place and then I am able to correct myself inward and move on.

It is in moments of uncertainty that I have also had some of my greatest ideas and thoughts.  It is in moments of uncertainty that I have realized what I really want to do at times.  I may not always know how I want to go about doing those things, but I know that I want it.  For example, right now in my life I know that I am ready for a fresh change and a new perspective.  Where that will lead me no one knows except God, but it has to lead to something great otherwise it would not weigh so heavily on my heart.  I look forward to the journey ahead, even if I do not know all of the steps that I will take to get there.  I thank God for each moment he gives me and I am blessed to be able to share each and every one of those moments with a loving husband and three beautiful children.  Life  and family is an adventure.  I really don't know what we will experience, but as long as we experience it together then life will always be grand.